50 Things That Men Wish Women Knew......

I got this bulletin from a friend and decided that there were some replies that needed to be given to some of these “Universal guy truths that all women should understand.” Now it is not my intent to reply to all 50 of these things but I may get on a roll! So we will see……
1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you’re wrong.
How can it make you proud when 9 times out of 10 you are the one that thinks we are wrong?
2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes.  
Whatever.
3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated.
4. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you’re not in the car.
It’s not that I think you are speeding, it’s that I know you can’t drive as well as I can at this speed!
5. If you’re truly interested in us, don’t play hard to get.
This one goes both ways, if you are truly interested don’t send mixed signals.
6. Shopping is a chore, not an activity. 
Butch-up!
7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me–once.
We would only tell you once if that would fix the problem or get you to realize your mistake.
8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I’m inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter.
Again that goes both ways!!!
9. I’m hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.
10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.  
LOL

11. Don’t be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.
12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain’t pretty.
Till you see unplucked on some!!!
13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.
Put your money where your mouth is!!!!
14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you’re nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.
And we like to be barked at, anytime?
15. I don’t ask for directions because I’m just happy to be driving. Anywhere.
Then you need a hobby! And I LOVE to drive!!
16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it.
Again that goes both ways. However, if we really could have sex with you anytime that we wanted you might not find the time to masturbate.
17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn’t always have to lead to sex.
Please read your own words!
18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?  
Talk, talk, talk
19. There’s no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm.
Remember that the next time you tell or ask us to be quiet!!
20. Though the exhaust note of a Porsche Boxster is pretty damn fine, too.
Not as nice as the purring of a 67 Goat!!
21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren’t looking for the truth anyway.
And you tell us you can’t read minds, but know that we weren’t looking for the truth, anyway!!

22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.
As I do you when you blow up over some stupid little pointless thing!!
23. You’re really bad at faking it.
You are even worse at it!
24. If I offer my help while you’re getting ready, it means you’re late.
We know you wouldn’t just offer!!
25. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late.
No Comment!!!
26. Giving me two or three choices, however, can be fun. Assuming you will change outfits in front of me. Slowly.
Don’t think so I read #25!!! Wouldn’t want us to be more late.
27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off.  
LOL
28. Unless we’re meeting my parents.  
LMAO
29. When you call us at work “just to chat,” we’re not really listening; we’re checking our e-mail.
We will keep that in mind the next time you want quality time that isn’t leading to sex!
30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn’t need to be a mini-skirt; it’s been a long winter.
So you really didn’t mean what you said in #27!!
31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.
Yeah and guys like that can be hot too!!!
32. We don’t mind being told we look good. Just don’t call it a “cute outfit.”
Are you even familiar with dashing or debonair?
33. We love ponytails.
34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience.
Would you like the flow chart in black and white or color coded?
35. The first time? We’re as nervous as you are.
Again with the mind reading!!!
36. A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public. Especially in public.
Funny the look didn’t say that!
37. Make us laugh and we’ll want to hang around.
38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal.
39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman’s problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.
I do not know any stereotypical man that likes to solve a woman’s problems.
40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.
Respect our reason!
41. Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words “naked” and “waiting.”
I know some men that only have conversations via text message…..without using the words “naked” or “waiting.”
42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks.
43. Anytime you cook for us, we’re happy.
44. If you can hit a golf ball 150 yards, we just might fall in love.
Please don’t!!
45. No, I don’t remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I’m a guy, not a tape recorder.
Maybe not remembering what anyone said next is why you don’t ask for directions.
46. We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while.
Again, remember that when it is girls night out!!
47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too.  
LOL
48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, “Do you think she’s pretty?”
49. Don’t rely on us for keeping you up on the news.
50. Never say, “I know you better than you know yourself.” Nobody does.
Yet you tell us what we are thinking or what we want (see 21 and 35).
So I answered more than I had intended, but that was to be expected!!!