FOXTROT OSCAR ROMEO YANKEE OSCAR UNIFORM

India Whiskey Alpha November Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform Tango Oscar Kilo November Oscar Whiskey Tango Hotel Alpha Tango India Bravo Echo Lima India Echo Victor Echo India November Yankee Oscar Uniform Charlie Oscar Mike Papa Lima Echo Tango Echo Lima Yankee. Tango Hotel Alpha Tango India Alpha Mike Hotel Echo Romeo Echo Foxtrot Oscar Romeo Yankee Oscar Uniform. Tango Hotel Alpha Tango India Whiskey Alpha November Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform Tango Oscar Bravo Echo Hotel Alpha Papa Papa Yankee Mike Ooscar Romeo Echo Tango Hotel Alpha November Alpha November Yankee Tango Hotel India November Golf.
India Lima Oscar Victor Echo Yankee Oscar Uniform Mike Oscar Romeo Echo Tango Hotel Alpha November Alpha November Yankee Whiskey Oscar Romeo Delta Sierra Charlie Alpha November Sierra Alpha Yankee. Alpha November Delta India Alpha Lime Whiskey Alpha Yankee Sierra Whiskey India Lima Lima.
Victor Oscar Lima India Mike Tango Echo

You Are....

Making all of my dreams come true
You create a world of love and peace,

For all the times that you have sheltered,
All the times that you have protected,
Venturing into my shadows to retrieve,
Opening your heart and arms for me,
Reigning supreme as my champion,
Increasing the borders of our world,
Taking me into new lands every day,
Encouraging me always in all things,

Give me forever to show you,
I am forever grateful for all,
For every word, every deed,
To you I am forever bound.

That Voice

My Sweetest Addiction,
You are so very special to me. One of a kind to me. Unique in everything you do. Adore you with all my heart, I do. Reason cannot alone explain all that you are to me. Eternity can not hold everything I feel for you. To me you are eternity, infinity, all things, every thing. Holding me, hearing me, healing me. Each time I fall you pick me up. Right before I feel totally lost you find me. Out of my darkness you guide me. Claiming me for your own and caring for me as such. Keeping me safe and protected. One day I will be able to do the same for you. For under your shelter I will grow strong. Under the safety of your love I will learn to be me. Some day you will see me be what you saw when no one else was looking.
Yes, you are my favorite addiction. One that I will never give up. Until the stars all fall from the skies I am yours. And then I will love you more. Right until the end of time and an eternity more. Even when the sands of time run out, I will fill the hour glass again.  To be with you there is nothing I wouldn't do. Having you near is my cloak of protection. Each breath is for you. Sharing each heart beat. Together through it all. Reaching for the stars. Each other's biggest fan. Needing nothing more than the love adored. Giving all for the other. Together forever. Here and now, there and then, always and forever. Ours is real and true. Fairy tales do not compare to our truth. Underneath it all is your strength and solidness. Standing tall and together only with you.
Yesterday was dark. One shinging star to light the way. Under the briliance you stand. Always lighting my way. Ready to take my hand, to make me feel safe. Ever surrounding me with love and protection. Showing me time and again you are there. One day at a time your patience shows me my world in you. Always safe and secure. Making sure I know your love. Allowing my doubts to fade. Zigging and zagging through my maze. I know you are there, even in the dark. Nothing keeps you from caring for us. Going all the way every time for us. Taking us through the storm. One day at a time. Because of you I believe. Each dream becomes real. And you are the cause. Rising like the sun to brighten my world. There is nothing but hope shining down on us. Having you is the best. Everything else is blurred. But you shine bright and clear. Under that shine I am warm and safe. Reaching for new heights. Dreaming new dreams. Edging closer to new worlds. Not letting fear or doubt stay long. Over and over we answer. Fearing nothing cause of you. Together, my favorite place. Always there for me. Keeping me close. I need you so. Never very far will I stray. Guise of others will never tempt. Cause what I have found is better than heaven. All we have means more to me than any promise of something more. Reality with you is my paradise. Everyone else can seek Eden. Of such myths I need not. Fantasy is lacking next to you. Us is all the ever after I want. So let the others quest for better. We will be happy and forever in bliss together. Here with you is my Wonderland Neverland Narnia Elysian Fields. I have it all and more in you. Lacking nothing, you are everything. Every heartbeat dream wish desire. I have it all. Love without ceasing. Ending never. Always growing. Reaching. Needing. Together with me. Offering strength courage protection. Loving me through it all. Each insecurity quieted. Time and again without failing. Giving your all just for me. Over and over without ire. Over and over without tiring. Filling me with peace and calm. Making my doubts dreams instead. You are my hope and wonder. In moments of doubt I reach for whispered promises I hold dear. Needing the words to wrap around me. Safely keeping me in your love. Erasing echos of the past. Causing scars to fade. Using steady hands to hold me tight. Remembering without faulting. I have you to trust. Taking my lead from you. I will always need you. Every day you become more to me. Some day you will see the me you let me be.
Volim te

Darkness

The darkness moves in,
The darkness surrounds,
The darkness envelopes,
The darkness conquers.

The silence falls,
It covers everything,
The silence grows,
It pushes out all sound.

The darkness bekons the silence,
It bids her enter for the season,
The darkness shelters the silence,
It wraps her in solitude and doubt.

The silence cries out,
Searching every corner,
Tracing every wall,
Wishing waiting wanting.

The darkness takes,
It pulls from deep within,
The darkness steals,
Leaving her hungry and thirsty.

The silence surrenders,
No more tears
No more dreams
No more wishes
Nothing.

Darkness takes her
Silence gives
Darkness consumes her
Silence relinquishes

The union made,
The joining complete,
The surrender final,
It is done.

One Day

One day I hope to be
As much for you
As you are for me,

I wish for nothing more
Than to be,
Your best friend,
Your port in the storm,
Your light in the dark,
One that you trust.

I wish one day
You will think,
I am worthy,
I am strong,
I am loyal,
I am here for you.

I wish one day
I will be enough,
That you will
Seek me out,
Reach for my hand,
Lean on me,
Let me be there for you.

I wish one day
You will see in me
Some of what I see in you,
Someone that cares,
Someone that loves,
Someone for you,
Someone that is there.

I wish one day
That you can know
What I want to give you,
My time,
My love,
My arms,
Myself.

I wish one day
I will be enough
For you to look
At me and see,
A best friend,
A safe place,
A warm retreat,
A freindly escape.

I wish one day
I will be enough
For you to let
Me be to you
What I let
You be for me.

I wish one day
You will let
Me show you
I can love you.
I do love you.
I always love you.

Absolutely

Today, My Love,
Hear me
Express to you-

Beyond any doubt,
Everything you are
Soul to soul,
Touch me-

Take my breath,
Hold me tight,
Invite my heart,
No more searching,
Giving my all-

Evermore yours,
Vastly exploring,
Easing the pain,
Resting in you always.

He Asked

What do you want for Christmas?

She answered:  I only want you.
You are the best gift in the world.
You are all that I want and all that I need.
I love you more than I love life itself.
You are all my hopes.
All my wishes.
All my dreams.
You are everything to me.
You inspire me.
You motivate me.
You encourage me.
You protect me.
You give me love.
You give me guidance.
You are my best friend.
You are my lover.
You are my partner.
You are my confidant.
You are my teacher.
You are my council.
You are my muse.
You are my dream.
You are my fantasy.
You are my reality.

You are all that I want for Christmas.

Quality instead of quanity

I prefer quality over quanity,
I must love that fatal injury,
When you have quanity -
You have so much of little impact,
A loss while initially stinging -
Is only momentarily felt,
For tomorrow it is replaced by another.

Ah! But quality lost is fatal,
Without death.
When you find something worthy,
Something that shines and sparkles,
And the glow blinds you,
When you treasure it,
Admire it, desire it-
It becomes a part of you.

If your treasure is damaged,
You are equally injured.
If your treasure is out of sight,
You are alone and adrift.

When your treasure leaves,
It isn't just a flesh wound.
No, when you lose your treasure,
You are eviserated.
You are torn open with gaping gashes,
The bleeding is immense.
Your whole being is submerged,
Yet, you will not drown.

You go blind, you are deaf,
You starve, you thirst.
You wander alone lost
In the dark.
You beg, scream, cry
For the end, that never comes.

That is quality.

You are to me.....

My Champion,

I wanted to tell you something very important. Actually I wanted to thank you for everything you are to me and everything that you have given me. I know I have said thank you before. That I have told you how special you are. But, it seems that everyday you give me more reasons to be thankful and grateful. You always make me feel special. You make me feel loved. You make me feel wanted. You make me feel needed. You make me feel pretty. You make me feel safe.
Your words are amazing, they are romantic, inspiring, creative, articulate, impressive. They are full of all the things that would make any girl's heart skip a beat. They inspire dreams and hopes and wishes. The most perfect thing is that once you say the words, sometimes even before you say them, you live them. Your actions are your words in motion. And that my love, is the most perfect and special thing in the world. Words are easy, nice words take a little thought, perfect words take practice. But the verb of love, that takes effort and time, patience and understanding, thought and action, hugs and kisses, support and encouragement, talks and walks, strength and courage. Most of all it takes desire; the desire of 2 people to want something so much that they are willing to do any and all actions that love requires. Thank you for having the desire to want us as much as I want us. Thank you for working as hard on us and for us as I do. Thank you for caring about us as much as I care. Thank you for building us strong.
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for wanting me. Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for respecting me. Thank you for needing me. Thank you for sharing with me. Thank you for every moment, every breath, every heartbeat.

siempre

Mian liom ach amháin leat

Mian liom ach amháin leat
Is breá liom tú
A thabhairt liom mo chroí a thabhairt duit
Ní gan tu dhéanann mian liom a bheith

Liom a thabhairt duit mo chroí
I gcónaí agus go deo
Ó tabhairt domh misneach
Mhian de mo anam

A thabhairt deis dom a thaispeáint duit
Cuir glaoch orm mise le gcónaí
Hypnotize dom an

A bheith mo an ridire
Mo curadh
Hypnotize dom an
A thabhairt duit dom misneach
Iad tú mo ghrá
Níor lig dom dul

Liom a thabhairt duit mo anam
Éisteacht le mo cogar
A bheith mo laoch
Tá tú mo ghrian

Doors

Your Door
Closed Doors
Big Doors
Skinny Doors
Locked Doors
Propped Doors
Glass Doors
New Doors
Back Door

My Door
Open Doors
Little Doors
Fat Doors
Bolted Doors
Exit Doors
Old Doors
Barred Doors
Front Door

I . . . You

I question, You answer
I worry, You soothe
I ramble, You listen
I wonder, You guide
I doubt, You reassure
I fall, You catch
I cry, You shelter
I tremble, You protect
I need, You love
I want, You give

OR

Inside or outside
Left or right
Over or under
Veiled or exposed
Each or many
Yonder or near
Out or in
Under or above
Sight or sound
Other or same
More or less
Utility or fancy
Candid or practiced
Here or there

You Are.....

My brightest star,
My greatest treasure,
My truest dream,
My soul's desire.

My hope,
My faith,
My strength,
My peace,

My safe place,
My quiet sanctuary,
My perfect escape,
My heart's beat,

My courage,
My security,
My joy,
My wonder,

My every thing,
My every want,
My every need,
My every breath.

I just wanted to say.....

Hello Handsome,

Today I wanted to tell you something very important. Having you in my life has been such a blessing. As each new day arrives I am even more in love with you than yesterday. Never could I have imagined just how much one person could mean to me. Knowing that you are in my life gives me more blessings than you can know. You have been the greatest gift I could ever receive. Our connection has been such an adventure for me. Unknowing that that first 'hello' would lead to the best thing ever, I have no regrets. For all the things you are to me I am forever grateful. Opening my heart to you is so natural to me, which tells me it is right. Righting my scars has made you my hero. Being everything that you are has given me everything I could ever want. Even when mundane, boring, everyday things are going wrong, it doesn't matter cause I have you. I know that you are in my corner, that you have my back. Never before have I been so confident in another person. Giving you that trust is something that I am so happy to do. My heart knows that you would never wrong me. You have shown that I matter to you. Saying I love you is such an understatement for how I feel about you. All the words in the world cannot accurately express just how important you are to me. Finding you is like finding the greatest treasure in the world, which for me is like a combination of Atlantis and the Library of Alexander. :-)  Every thing about you is such a treasure to me. Please, don't ever change. Let me love you always. And then let me love you longer. Can you feel what I feel? Even in the dark and silence.
There is nothing more than you that fills my dreams. Having my heart in your care is the best feeling in the world. All my worries and insecurities have one solution; you. Nothing has the power with my heart and soul that you do. Keeping you near is my greatest desire. You are the most remarkable person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Of all the wonders in the world, you are my favorite. Under all the stars in the sky, you are the brightest gem in the universe. Feeling your love surround me is the most amazing thing ever. On the days that I feel lost or down, it is you that I hold onto. Right next to you is where I always want to be. Yes, you really and truly are everything that I want. Oh, sweetheart, I really wish you could feel how you make me feel. Unbelievable! Remember always that I love you more than anything in the world. Life has been so much better with you in it. Others will have to be full of envy. Very envious. Every part of me is yours. And will always be yours. No doubt about where I always want to be. Don't ever doubt my love and support and admiration for you. Somethings are just more than can be put into words. Us, that is one of those things. Please, know that no matter how many times or ways I say I love you, it won't be enough. Putting my feelings into words always seems so understated. Or a complete failure. Right now I think I have been totally understated. To be honest, I always feel understated.

volim te

I love you so....

I love you so,
Your smiles,
Your hugs,
Your kisses,

I love you so,
Your heart,
Your mind,
Your soul,

I love you so,
Your touch,
Your scent,
Your sound,

I love you so,
Your best,
Your okay,
Your worst,

I love you so,
Your strength,
Your courage,
Your drive,

I love you so,
Your public,
Your private,
Your hidden,

I love you so,
Your yesterday,
Your today,
Your tomorrow,

I love you so,
Your high,
Your low,
Your no,

I love you so,
more than you know,
I love you so,
yes, I do,
I love you so,
do you know.

I Wish For You

I wish for you joy
and happiness,
I wish for you peace
and contentment,
I wish for you ease
and comfort.

I wish for you rainbows
and dreams coming true,
I wish for you success
and sense of fulfillment,
I wish for you love
and complete loyalty.

I wish for you everything,
I wish for you all things,
I wish for you best things,
I wish for you your thing.

Do you.....

Do you remember before us?
Do you wish for more? or less?
Do you feel what I feel?
Do you know what you mean to me?

Do you notice when I am there?
Do you miss me when I am not?
Do you feel what I feel?
Do you wonder what I am doing?

Do you listen when I speak?
Do you listen when I don't?
Do you feel what I feel?
Do you wonder what I am thinking?

Do you watch me watching you?
Do you smile when you catch me?
Do you feel what I feel?
Do you know what you mean to me?

Do you want me everyday?
Do you need me any day?
Do you feel what I feel?
Do you love me like I love you?

Do you crave me like I crave you?
Do you thirst for me like I thirst for you?
Do you hunger for me like I hunger for you?
Do you desire me like I desire you?

I Have.....

A place of beauty and delight in which I'm free to wander,
A maze with twists and turns and places to sit and ponder,
My own shelter to protect me from the stormy night,
My own window seat to wish upon the star bright.

This place of mine is magical beyond compare,
It is filled with unconditional love, enough to spare,
The walls are tall and strong and protect me well,
The rooms are warm and cozy my fears they quell.

I Have....

Thank You......

Thank you for your smiles
Thank you for your hugs
Thank you for your kisses
Thank you for your kindness
Thank you for your compassion
Thank you for your thoughtfulness 

Thank you for Good Mornings
Thank you for Good Nights
Thank you for Late Night Calls
Thank you for Surprise Calls
Thank you for Love Letters
Thank you for Wake up Calls

Thank you for listening
Thank you for caring
Thank you for guiding
Thank you for laughing
Thank you for cuddling
Thank you for sharing

Thank you for everything 
all that you do everyday
Thank you for your love
your encouragement and support
Thank you for your security
your protection and trust

Thank you most of all 
for being in my life and 
letting me be in yours.

The One Thing I Always Want......

Hear me when I whisper
Open up my heart
Need to know me
Even in the dark
Stay don't go
Tell me I matter
Yes, to you I matter

No amount of flattery
Only what counts
Make me believe
All the dreams count
Take all I have to give
This is what amounts
Every thing else is nothing
Returning from nothing

Hear me when I whisper
Open up my heart
Wake me in the morning

Make me a dream
Until the darkness comes
Catch me a star
Hold me the darkness comes

I want to know
To feel how it grows
Have the courage
Under your gaze I glow
Releasing the fear
Taking away the darkness
Stealing away with the light

You

Lost in thoughts of you, 
wondering what you are doing, wondering what you are thinking.....
Is your day good or is it bad, are you happy or are you sad,
I think of you sitting with your coffee, going over your to do list
Going through your day, making a difference every where you are,
I know the feelings of those you help, their joy and peace,
I know their hope and relief, and how much you impact their lives.

You are a bright shining star on a dark night, 
you are a ray of sunshine through dark clouds,
you are the hope and strength full of might,
you are safety and security standing proud.

You are full of love and mercy,
You are just and kind,
You are compassion and hope,
You are the deference and defense,
You are astute and articulate,
You are intelligent and gifted.

Day and Night hold Dreams of you.....

Star Light Star Bright I Wish I May I Wish I Might......

Holding hands
Hugs
Smiles
A shoulder to lean on
Long walks
Kisses
Flowers
Arms to hide in
Laughs
Candlelight
Late Night Movies
Cuddling
Surprise Calls
Wishes
Dancing in the rain
Pillow Talk
Dreams
Borrowed hoodies
Secrets
Breakfast In Bed
Sunrise
 

My Dearest Darling Love......

Today I proclaim my love for you.  Heaven is not sweeter than my joy in your presence. Indeed, happiness is flowing freely like rivers of honey. Shinning brighter than the brightest stars in the darkest night is your smile. Keeping watch over me like a champion of ode. I have never been more loved than I am by you. Secrets we keep from the world in our hearts. Secrets we share between each other in the dark. Illusions do not distract us. Seeing the truth in each heart keeps us free. Finding hope within our dreams protected by the other. Ought the world be ours to relish. Rich in adventure and wonder for our pleasure. This path we travel together is our proper path. Holding our own against all odds. Edging out all the doubts of the past, falsely held. Before you everything else has faded from sight. Every other is not even a shadow of a memory under your gaze. Sleep is peaceful and splendid in your arms. Teaching me the wonder that is love and truth is your greatest gift to me. Maybe, just maybe one day I can be for you half of what you are for me. All that is good and wonderful and amazing I find within you. No amount of doubt can cease my love for you. I do love you. Never would I want to be without you in my life. The day would never dawn from the darkest night. Hope would cease to be familiar to me. Every dream would die in sleeplessness. Without you there would be no color. Only shades of gray turning our VanGough world bleak. Rain pouring down, no those are only my tears falling without end. Losing you would be losing me. Doubt me not when I say that you are my breath and beat of my heart. 

I love you always.

Summer

Apple pies and blue skies

Kites flying and children laughing
Ice cream double dipped
Sunny days and warm breezes
Smiles meeting and friends greeting

Future brightly dawning
Oreos double stuffed and double dipped
Rides at the fair and picnics in the park

Yes things are grand
Oh we are lucky and we are blessed
Under our own canopy of hope

Stormy Day

Waves crashing
Heart pounding
Grey and black above
Grey and black below

Winds whipping 
Rain slicing
Hot and cold outside
Hot and cold inside

Clouds rolling
Tides flowing
Ebbs and eddies morning 
Ebbs and eddies evening

Hands gripping
Hair whipping
Cliff edge looming
Cliff edge calling

Tears streaming 
Lips trembling
Heart's cry screaming
Heart's cry ceasing

Hope fleeing
Dreams dying
Soul source bleeding
Soul source fading

If I couldn't be me with you.....

If I couldn't be me with you,
I wish to have been a cotton plant
grown and cultivated
to be the finest thread of Egyptian cotton,
dyed your favorite shade of your favorite color.
To be spun into the strongest softest thread,
woven into sheets that wrap around you each and every night....
keeping your dreams safe
surrounding you with love
The nights with you would be the most perfect
I could imagine or hope for.
I would be the envy of every angel in the heavens,
to be able to be so close to you
to feel your skin
to bask in your warmth,
not even heaven could compare to you.

From A to Z

Adoration is what fills me
Beside You I can be still
Compassion is how You react
Delightfully in awe is my state
Energy positively flows from You
Forging new ideas and options
Gaining strength in Your shadow
Home is not a place
It is how you feel
Just as reality
Keeps me tied
Limiting my movement
My minds forges ahead
Not minding the pull of the ties
Ore the distance
Pulling, pulling pulling me ever
Quitting never
Raising my eyes to You
Seeking Your light
Toward You I reach
Ultimately climbing to my desire
Vessel of my dreams
X marks You as my spot
You are magical
Zealous in You I am

Digging in the Archives of my Randomness.......

Part Three

Ok so I told you that I would think about what direction I was going to take and let you know.
Well, I think what I will do is give you the idea without spilling the beans so to speak.
I was, hell I am, somewhat intimidated by the idea of character development and even to a degree setting set-up makes me antsy. How much is too much and how little is too little? And either one can make the story really bad. So I thought that I would do something that would put the emphasis more on the dialogue than on the characters or setting.
For right now the setting will be one location — just a room, but you may not be able to pick up on that initially.
And the characters will be more like background noise — it will be more their dialogue that creates them, or the dialogue of others. Some characters will only be players because they are the topic of the dialogue at that point.
So we will have to see how this goes, the intent is to show some humor while addressing serious issues. There will be some randomness to the direction but that is intentional. My disclaimer up front is that this is National Novel Writing Month — Novel meaning a work of fiction — fiction meaning not real
Ok, I will be right back and we will get started………..
so did you miss me? of course not, because for you I wasn’t even gone.
I wonder would you have missed me if you were sitting here and saw me leave the room?
Probably not, why would you, what would there really be to miss, just another body, just another nobody, just another place holder. It is truly ironic that some people very sincerely and truly believe that the world revolves around them, that we would all be lost without them, that they really make our day, hell our life better just by their presence. And those same people are always totally and completely amazed, even crushed when we do leave their presence, when we — the nobodies — walk outta their lives. How can we do something like that? What are we thinking? Are we really that stupid? Do we not know how lucky we were to be chosen to be their follower, their door mat, their toy, even their punching bag?
Of course they are only responsible for their good actions, anything mean or abusive or destructive was all our fault. Their lies, their cheating, their drinking, their manipulation, their flaws, their whatever somehow all of it was our fault — for someone so perfect has no flaws of their own!
So no, not that you are that person, but you did not miss me when I was gone. And that is ok, I did not miss you while I was gone either. So while I should not be hurt over your insensitivity, you expect some explanation as to why I didn’t miss you……hum, maybe you are that person.
But, you have a different name, the color of your eyes are different, the sound of your voice is different, you smell different, you feel different, yet, the words are the same, the lies are the same, the actions are the same, no you are not that person, but you are just like that person.
“Here we go, round 2. How can someone with a gensis IQ be such an idiot? What is it about me that is, is …..I don’t know? I guess if I knew maybe I could prevent this mess.
Well, I know how to prevent from now on. It is not going to happen again. There will be NO MORE, I tell you. I won’t do this again. I’m done. Maybe a one night stand, maybe a short hot fling, but no more long term anything.
You know what I just do not get, what is so hard about being honest? Why not just say ‘these are the things that I want from you. And these are the things that I am willing to give you.’ ? And if the terms are agreeable to both parties then enjoy it, have fun, see where the ride goes. But if it is not then just shake hands and go your separate ways. No harm, no foul.
Why do people insist on being with people that they don’t like, that they don’t care about, that they have no connection with? I like football, but I want to be with someone who thinks the sport is stupid and is going to yell at me every time that I watch a game. I hate exercise, but I am going to fall for a gym rat. I gotta have my meat and potatoes, but that vegan is the one for me. I only want sex once a week, and then with the lights off and missionary style only, so I am going to ask the nympho to move in with me.
If that is normal, no wonder I need therapy!! If that is sane, no wonder I am considered crazy!!”
“Is that what you think? Do you think that you are crazy?”
“How honest do you really want me to be?”
“Well, that is up to you, but for this to work, you are going to have to be honest with yourself.”
“Oh, I think I am very honest with myself. I think that such honesty is how I can see the stupidity around me that the rest of the world seems to ignore.”
“And what stupidity is it that you see, that the rest of us ignore?”
“Wow, now I know why you charge by the hour. Just answering that question alone will keep you in business for the next year.”
“So is that part of the stupidity that you think the rest of us ignore? The fact that I charge by the hour?”
“Well, no but now that you mention it, it does seem kinda stupid that you charge by the hour, yet we are only in here for 50 minutes. So I get jipped 10 minutes and you get a 10 minute bonus. So shouldn’t you charge for 50 minute blocks or charge by the minute? But then again, you would still get the 10 minute bonus, because you would not lower your rates by one sixth, you simply divide your hour rate by 50 minutes. See that is part of the problem, we as a society measure every thing by money or material compensation.
Doctors do not become doctors to help people, they are in it for the money. Lawyers are not in it for truth and justice, they are in it for the money. Even shrinks, are in it for the money. Money, money, money. Do you realize that I can take all your money and all the things that your money bought you and light a match to them and they will be gone? Then where will you be? What will you have left? How will you define yourself then?”
“How do you define yourself, Laura?”
“I don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Why should I? To steal from William, ‘that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.’. And there is always, ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’. So, how I define myself is merely a relative perception of physical features, abstract context, and distorted visions.”
“So if I ask, ‘who is Laura’, what would you reply?
“Depends.”
“Depends on what?”
“Depends on who is asking, what they are looking for, why they want to know.”
“I am asking.”
“You know who Laura is.”
“Do I?”
“Don’t you?”
“You tell me.”
“How do I know what you do or don’t know?”

Digging in the Archives of my Randomness......

Part Two

Well, this is day one of our writing exercise. I am not sure that I will actually develop any story line or characters that could one day play out on the pages of even a bad novel, but we will just write and see where we end up.
I was actually still writing away when life got busy and interrupted my writing yesterday, which in and of itself I must say is kinda cool. Maybe there is room somewhere in the dark corners of my empty hall of imagination that might just be fostering some little idea.
I took a Classical Mythology class a few years ago and the professor is of the opinion, and I must say that on some level I do agree with him, that the best and only originals stories ever written were the myths. Everything since then are just rewrites of the old. For our final, to illustrate his point, we compared and contrasted The Odyssey with the movie “Oh Brother Where Art Thou”. Point taken!
I enjoy some of the myths, the shorter lesser known ones. I think that the stories of old should get more credit than they do. It often amazes me how we are so arrogant and egocentric in our review of the past. What give us the right to think that we are more intelligent, cultured or civilized than the ancients?
I cant say that I find us that way. I tend to think that we are not as smart as they were. There were more than capable of understanding the need for balance, they were capable of more happiness, and the show an amazing understanding of the world that they lived in, even on a cosmic level.
They were also great story tellers. Of course there was not much in the way of entertainment so story-telling became a true art form. And such an endearing form it was that it lasted thousands of years, much longer than the written word has been telling tales.
All that being said what a daunting task for us pions to come up with some yarn that will wrap itself so tightly around the reader as to encompass their very being. Aim high. Shoot for the stars. Or just write a good story. Now those are some lofty goals!
I must confess that the one thing that do seem to be accomplishing is the beating around the bush, the saying a whole lot without really saying anything at all. I have learned how to ramble on and on about meaningless thoughts and ideas and not even bringing the topic full circle. If you were sitting where I am right this very minute and I do mean very minute you would see that I have typed 401 words without saying 1 thing. Now there is enough talent to get me a good shot at becoming President.
Some how I have the feeling that the writing that we are encouraged to do for the NaNoWriMo is probably suppose to be a little more focused, with some goal in mind. So what goal should I set for myself to endeavor to reach this month with my writing and rambling? Not selling myself short, but I do not see signed, self-published, first editions under the tree for all my friends and relatives, which is probably a good thing.
I also do not trust myself to write any form of an autobiographical nature. Ah, what luck, a glance at the clock tells me that I need to put on my shoes and go get my baby. But I will keep in mind just what goal I will set for myself and will disclose it tomorrow, I suppose.

Digging in the Archives of My Randomness........

Part One....
I read a blog here this morning about November being National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo for short.  So the challenge is to write a little everyday and then by the end of November we will have a finished book and all be best selling novelists by Christmas. Well maybe not all of us, but if you are an avid reader like I am then you know that sometimes talent doesn’t seem to have anything to do with success. I do not know if I will be able to accept this challenge, but I figure that I will give it a go.
Okay, the idea is to write some everyday. While I do think that writing is a great exercise as well as a great source of communication I am not always the best at it. I see writing as a very personal way of expressing ourselves at the deepest levels and since I am not someone who is very comfortable at divulging my inner feelings I seem to maintain a natural writer’s block. If, however, my writing is not of a personal nature but of a factual nature then I seem to find it easy for the words to flow from thoughts to what you see on “paper”.
I thought for a long time that I was not capable of writing anything worth reading, but I had the fortunate blessing of a very special person entering my life for a short time. Through many long conversations about our different cultures, different religions, different experiences and different histories, my respect for him grew to a level I had never experienced before with another person. With him I could totally be myself, I didn’t not have to worry about his perception of me. I wasn’t too smart, I didn’t know too much, I wasn’t too curious, I didn’t talk too much, it was a really amazing experience. I cherish every minute of it and there are moments still that I miss it painfully.
Since he walked outta my life there has been no one else that has come close to being the confidant that he was. There is no one else with whom I so relish engaging. There is no one else that I so hungrily devour every moment with. There is no one else that I so desire to speak to, whose voice I so long to hear, whose opinion I treasure so much. There is, without a doubt, no one else that I miss so terribly. There is no one else who has walked into my life for such a short time and left such a wonderful footprint.
And this — this is his legacy!
Every word that I struggle to place perfectly, every thought that I pain over expressing effectively, every single keystroke is his legacy to me. For he was the one that told me I should write. Ironically, he told me that I should write a book. I have not, as yet, found the courage to try something so grand as writing a book, however, how could I refuse him his request completely. So I blog; at least I used to. And I think, at least in my deluded mind, that I was getting pretty good at it. And then I hit a personal rough spot and stopped writing.
When that happened, when I put my pen down the strangest thing happened. I felt like a part of me had been ripped away, like I had lost a limb or one of my senses. How could I miss something that I had never thought me much good at anyway?  Why did I miss something that I didn’t think natural for me? What had happened in the course of the months that I had been writing? Had I actually developed a fondness for writing? Was writing not merely an exercise but maybe a recreation? Did I actually need to write?
So after a move that took me 3 states away, back close to my hometown and somewhere that I really didn’t want to be. After getting settled in and trying to regroup and regain some real life again, I decided that writing would help, that it would be like therapy for me. But I had been away so long that I was struggling. I could not focus, I felt no sense of accomplishment. The completed articles seemed lacking, deluded, boring.
I had always chosen my subjects based on what grabbed my attention, what headline or sound-bite had reached our and flipped my switch. So while most of my articles could be considered of military or international interest, I have thrown in some random rants about other things and once or twice I have even touched on the personal. But even when I found a headline or sound-bite that bit, nothing just seemed to hold me long enough for me to put some meat on it. So as the primaries were getting primed, I was getting discouraged. In January, I quit. I decided that personal issues had maybe taken too much of a toll on me. That maybe I would never get back what little success I had enjoyed. Could it be that I might never recover that maybe I had truly lost everything?
I guess we will see this month.

50 Things That Men Wish Women Knew......

I got this bulletin from a friend and decided that there were some replies that needed to be given to some of these “Universal guy truths that all women should understand.” Now it is not my intent to reply to all 50 of these things but I may get on a roll! So we will see……
1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you’re wrong.
How can it make you proud when 9 times out of 10 you are the one that thinks we are wrong?
2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes.  
Whatever.
3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated.
4. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you’re not in the car.
It’s not that I think you are speeding, it’s that I know you can’t drive as well as I can at this speed!
5. If you’re truly interested in us, don’t play hard to get.
This one goes both ways, if you are truly interested don’t send mixed signals.
6. Shopping is a chore, not an activity. 
Butch-up!
7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me–once.
We would only tell you once if that would fix the problem or get you to realize your mistake.
8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I’m inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter.
Again that goes both ways!!!
9. I’m hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.
10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.  
LOL

11. Don’t be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.
12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain’t pretty.
Till you see unplucked on some!!!
13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.
Put your money where your mouth is!!!!
14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you’re nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.
And we like to be barked at, anytime?
15. I don’t ask for directions because I’m just happy to be driving. Anywhere.
Then you need a hobby! And I LOVE to drive!!
16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it.
Again that goes both ways. However, if we really could have sex with you anytime that we wanted you might not find the time to masturbate.
17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn’t always have to lead to sex.
Please read your own words!
18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?  
Talk, talk, talk
19. There’s no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm.
Remember that the next time you tell or ask us to be quiet!!
20. Though the exhaust note of a Porsche Boxster is pretty damn fine, too.
Not as nice as the purring of a 67 Goat!!
21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren’t looking for the truth anyway.
And you tell us you can’t read minds, but know that we weren’t looking for the truth, anyway!!

22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.
As I do you when you blow up over some stupid little pointless thing!!
23. You’re really bad at faking it.
You are even worse at it!
24. If I offer my help while you’re getting ready, it means you’re late.
We know you wouldn’t just offer!!
25. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late.
No Comment!!!
26. Giving me two or three choices, however, can be fun. Assuming you will change outfits in front of me. Slowly.
Don’t think so I read #25!!! Wouldn’t want us to be more late.
27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off.  
LOL
28. Unless we’re meeting my parents.  
LMAO
29. When you call us at work “just to chat,” we’re not really listening; we’re checking our e-mail.
We will keep that in mind the next time you want quality time that isn’t leading to sex!
30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn’t need to be a mini-skirt; it’s been a long winter.
So you really didn’t mean what you said in #27!!
31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.
Yeah and guys like that can be hot too!!!
32. We don’t mind being told we look good. Just don’t call it a “cute outfit.”
Are you even familiar with dashing or debonair?
33. We love ponytails.
34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience.
Would you like the flow chart in black and white or color coded?
35. The first time? We’re as nervous as you are.
Again with the mind reading!!!
36. A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public. Especially in public.
Funny the look didn’t say that!
37. Make us laugh and we’ll want to hang around.
38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal.
39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman’s problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.
I do not know any stereotypical man that likes to solve a woman’s problems.
40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.
Respect our reason!
41. Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words “naked” and “waiting.”
I know some men that only have conversations via text message…..without using the words “naked” or “waiting.”
42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks.
43. Anytime you cook for us, we’re happy.
44. If you can hit a golf ball 150 yards, we just might fall in love.
Please don’t!!
45. No, I don’t remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I’m a guy, not a tape recorder.
Maybe not remembering what anyone said next is why you don’t ask for directions.
46. We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while.
Again, remember that when it is girls night out!!
47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too.  
LOL
48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, “Do you think she’s pretty?”
49. Don’t rely on us for keeping you up on the news.
50. Never say, “I know you better than you know yourself.” Nobody does.
Yet you tell us what we are thinking or what we want (see 21 and 35).
So I answered more than I had intended, but that was to be expected!!!

WTF......but worth repeating......

Ok so today I’m going to ramble!!! It is one of those days that the thoughts are flying through my mind like debris in a tornado and I do not have the energy to grab hold of one and make it grow. So maybe what I need is to follow the advise of Sean Connery’s character in Finding Forester….. “write first think later”
So I am going to write and I ask your forgiveness in advance as I know that I will ramble and digress and wonder aimlessly among the flicks that are my thoughts for the last couple of weeks. And it is the very intrusion of these flicks that have prevented me from writing on some more important topics that were on my list of things to do this past week. Included in these flicks are what I consider some very valid questions, but ones that I have not or will not ask because I do not think that real positive dialogue will develop and the point of raising questions to promote dialogue. Now my disclaimer on this is that when I say that I have not and will not I am referring to persons in my life or world that have caused these questions to rear their ugly head.
I think one interaction this week that will kinda sum up a lot of my confusion, if you want to call it that, is something that happened between myself and someone very special to me. This man entered my life over 3 years ago and he has been in some respect everything to me in that time. We have had priceless times and missed opportunities, openness and solitude, honesty and miscommunication; but above all that we have had the preverbal elephant in the room. So you may be wondering what name that elephant goes by…racism.
Yes, I said racism. It is funny, originally I didn’t think that race/ethniticty was an issue with us, I guess that is because I have dated outside my “race” a lot. I tend to look at people, or in this case men, as who they are not what they are. Every group has its good and bad. As a young child I lived in the south, where we only had black and white and that was how racism was taught and looked at. A person fell into one of those two groups. Then, when I was 12, I moved to South Florida where half the population was hispanic. Side note here, I am part Indian, or as some label us part Native American, but growing up I was taught that I was white. So when I saw hispanics I looked at them as being just like me. And growing up in South Florida if you wanted to date and you were ‘white’ and you were going to limit yourself to just ‘white’ you were going to drastically decrease your pool of possibilities. However, like I said, I never learned a distinction between white and hispanic. And quite a few of my boyfriends growing up were hispanic and they were great guys, the best.
Now that I have digressed, as I said that I would, let me get back to the story. So my hero, forwarded me one of these text messages that used to be only in email. This one basically asked the receiver to confess their first thought about the sender when they had first met. Well, even though it has now been years, I remember everything about our first meeting. I already knew that he was a decent man, we had been online friends for months. I already knew what he looked like, we had exchanged pictures. But what he didn’t know was that I had just had my heart broken by the guy that I thought was my everything. And one of the reasons that I agreed to meet him in person for lunch was to see if I could even do it.
So I must confess at this point that I had no expectations at all for the lunch. I was simply focusing on getting through the meal and expecting to do so so poorly that I would not hear from him again. What I was not ready for was to be totally captivated by this larger than life, intelligent, witty, handsome guy; but that is exactaly what happened. Since that day, though, life has lead us, along with him, in different directions. And because of the different paths that we are on, I tend to keep from him some of my purest feelings. The answer to his question, what was the first thing that I thought when we met, is one of those thoughts. Somethings are better left unsaid and this is one of those things. (Now for those of you that think maybe we could have happily ever after, if only I would tell him how I really feel——I have, he knows, but keep reading and you will know too.) So I told him that I would not tell him anything more than every moment spent with him was etched on my heart and treasured in my soul.
However, curiosity got the better of me and sent the question back to him. I wondered what he thought that first day, years ago now. His reply was “what a nice sweet white chick.” There was his confession of the preverbal elephant that had been between us all along. He could not look at me and see me without seeing me as white. It is funny, I am only part white, but it is my white part that defines me in his eyes. And as we all know there is nothing that we can do to change the color of our skin or our ethniticty.
Another disclaimer at this point, I had figured out that my being ‘white’ was an issue a long time ago, so I accept it and even though from time to time it does hurt to know some of the things that he has said to me were only sincere in the capacity that my being white would allow, how I look at him and how I feel about him has never changed. However, I have these moments when I chose to get in your face and point out the obvious. Guess what, this text exchange became one of those moments. So I sent him a text message that asked if he knew or wanted to know what the difference between him and me was. He asked me what and I told him. “When I looked at you I only saw a man, I did not see a latino.”
Do not hold your breath waiting for his reply. What do you say to that? I have called you out and I am right. I put you on the same plane as every other man in the world and you do not show me the same respect. I look at you and see you, all your strengths and weaknesses, and I choose to love you and respect you. What did you do to me? You looked at me and saw that I was sweet and nice and WHITE. My strengths and weaknesses were valued within the basis of my being white. I was judged and sentenced accordingly. Some days I wonder why you still talk to me. I have heard you complain to me about not finding in latinas what you have in me and it hurt. There are days that you have made it hard to be there for you unconditionally, knowing that what you seem to want you had right in front of you but would not accept. But I think that it is even harder to hear you say anything positive about me, to me it doesn’t really matter because you have labeled me as white. See when you quantify the way that you see someone you reduce any validity that you may have had in complimenting that person or telling that person anything of depth or honesty.
I wonder when we will look at people for who they are and not the color of their skin or the language that they speak or the place that they were born. But then if we did that we would not be able to hate each other so easily, because we would see that we are all just alike.