Facebook Drama ... Censoring Who Not What ...

I went to check my profile before calling it a night....to find out that I had a post that had been removed for Nudity or Sexual content......What?!?! WTF?!?!?! I have not posted anything nude or sexual.....has FB done lost their mind completely..... So when I finally get to where I can see what post they are whining about...... Thank you National Geographic for getting me in the time out chair ...... LOL

And the screenshot below..... you can clearly see that National Geographic did not get the same treatment......

My Man

The Day I Met You,
I Found My Home,
The Place I Was Meant To Be.

You Complete Me,
You Make Me Whole,
You Make Me Better,
With You I Am Becoming Who I Was Meant To Be.

I Did Not Find You First,
I Did Not Find You Early,
By The Time I Did
I Was Lost And Scared And Had Given Up
Finding You Was The Journey That Was Meant For Me.

What Have We Lost

Article said ways you cheat your relationships....
It was very real indeed.
We claim we are looking for true love,
A real relationship,
Fairy Tale ending....

Are we willing to earn it?
Profile says long walks holding hands,
Yet, your phone is what you hold tightest.
A plain "I love you" sits unread in your messenger,
Likes on your last post matters more.

We chase the DREAM and pass on happiness,
We say we want love, loyalty, and friendship
But we chase Facebook Fame
Twitter Titian status
And YouTube stardom.

Filtered photos hashtagging #honesty and #truth
Status quotes claiming love and loyalty
Secret profiles and messages....
Shhh! It's nothing, not really.....
But, it takes all your time.

Do you know what real love is?
Do you know what real is?
Virtual has invaded our souls.
Virtual has warped our minds.
Convinced us the screen is real.
Illusion is the deal.

Enough

I. Am. Chaos.
I push and I pull
Even when I pull I am pushing
I am nothing and I am too much
Never just enough.

If you like me
You like me a lot until you don't
If you hate me
You hate me a lot until I am not
Apathy is not enough.

If you know me
You don't
If you don't know me
You do
Maybe you think that is enough.

Seasons change
Years leave
Memories made fade
Just dust in the wind
Can't that be enough.

Want. Desire. Need.
Things just out of reach
Dreamy mist scattered with light
Just one more wish is all
That would be enough.

Have you met Mrs. Sherlock Holmes

Mrs. Sherlock Holmes, you say? As in the wife of?
Oh, no! As in the female American counterpart....
No, I have never heard of such.
Well, you are not alone. Let me give you a little introduction...

There was a lady in black that quietly but diligently made her presence a powerful force to reckon with in the streets and prisons and courtrooms of New York, not to mention the Halls of Power in D.C. She was a lady of some substance, whom preferred to be a judicial voice of the people. Those desperate, down-trodden, deprived masses whom mostly struggled to reach the base of Lady Liberty full of hope and dreams, thus finding the reality of the American Dream more elusive within her lands than had seemed from distant shores. 

If you are interested in the gritty reality of NYC in the early part of the 20th Century, this might just meet your needs. Ricca's research and writing combine to provide a compelling insight into the colliding worlds and cultures of turn of the century America. His writing style is encompassing narration of such a wholeness in presentation that when he reaches the end of the research queries you are left feeling somewhat let down. Thus, including the reader in the same dismay that must have burdened the lives of those souls in need of true justice from a system already bogged down with bias and corruption.

I must confess that while I personally, had no idea of the stories presented in the pages of Mrs. Sherlock Holmes, and being drawn into the lives of bygone injustices, I am not sure how I feel about the main character in the end. The story takes the reader on trips not just across time, but also from the belly of the city beast to the muddy bottoms of the southern swamp lands to the isolated confines of Missouri cotton plantations. The fingers of crime and injustice don't just stop there, you are exposed to their reach to and from the Old World extending even to exotic locales of South America.

One detail that I did find soothing to that injury, was his inclusion of 'end notes' for most of the persons of interest presented in the body. So while, you are left asking yourself....wait, where's the rest, is that all, but what about and so what happened then.....you at least know how the who(s) bowed out. 

A Lady's Longing

My Esteemed Champion,

I am writing in some state of despair! I had been informed of your departure, but found myself uncertain of the whole of the circumstances. Thusly, I was unsure about future correspondence or communication.

You know that I am incapable of forsaking My Lord; however, I am equally incapable of imagining His kingdom without your presence. Your presence has been of great comfort to myself and provided me with support and council when in need. I cherish fondest memories of our introduction; by My Lordship's grace, he knew that as I found my way and sorted my place that I would require more than just His love and patience to carry me forward, and how correct he was in knowing that I would come to know and love and depend on you almost as much as Him.

Not wanting to believe that your absence might be exhaustive, I have endeavoured to convince myself that you are merely on some grand expedition for My Lord, like Nelson or Captains Lewis and Clark, and thus, while I may not know or guess at the day or hour of your return, I believe in the certainty of it! For what other course of action can I possibly avail myself of, if not the surety of your eventual return and the joyous reunion that it will commence.

My Lord has been turning new leafs to be sure! I have been swooned by the renewal of his much desired affections. I have been emboldened by his presence and attention. I have set my sights on desires of my mind and heart and I have set my hands and focus to projects much neglected. I would delight that I could share my thoughts with thee, sire, or that I could receive some fondly shared council.

The fortnight previous this sennight was an incredible increase of his attentiveness reminiscent of our inception! That being stated, it should also be noted even more prominently that it was of greater breath and depth having our ensuing relations to build upon and increase. The peace and confidence instilled by His loving show endowed in me the desire to present him with certainty that I have indeed begun to find my place and trust not only my position but also His support of...

And that My Dearest Sire, is certainly where, had I but had your council would not have made such a choice that swiftly ceased that previous fortnight! This day's stretching has been the most grievous thus far, but, I fear that I need only await the dawn break for the truth of that to reaffirm itself by leaping from the past into the present, until I fathom some way to correct my misstep. It is that fathoming that has been the elusive wisp fleeing my desirous grasp for these past days.

My instinct is to immediately issue apologies and request the topic dismissed; yet, while, that is my growing wish, what growth would it display? Am I not worthy of observing and stating such with conclusions as I feel and think, especially for the intent of increasing My Lord's peace and joy?
Do I address the change in an attempt to ascertain the validity of my suspicions and risk creating non-existent challenges? Should I not endeavor to express my concerns and thoughts before creating an elephant that does not exist? Or do I just do nothing openly and wait until he desires my company again....

My Champion, if it has not been made apparent, your absence is sorely felt and your presence is greatly desired! I do hope that your expedition runs it course expediently and that you are returned to us with great haste!

With Baited Anticipation,
Fondly Yours

Lady X

Through Purgatory And Back

So as you may remember, I was accused of being 'not nice to people different from me'. When the charge was leveled, I was completely shocked. I was dumbfounded. I was lost. I was confused. I was destroyed. I was numb. I was everything. I was nothing.

My mind and heart both split in two. No, I could not be mean and hateful and not know it. No, the accuser could not be wrong. I was spiraled into purgatory.

In the first few hours that followed, I raked my brain for EVERY instance of 'meanness' that I could come up with......and I was falling VERY short of a statistical pattern to support the charge. But, as the destroyed numbness wore off.... I HAD to know the truth....I HAD to find the answers......

I changed my focus......my accuser could NOT be wrong.....thus to prove their accuracy, I HAD to find evidence that could and would support their charge. And with that focus and determination, over the ensuing hours I found TONS of evidence to support their charge. I was able to turn just about every interaction with others into at least a borderline if not a full-blown support of their charge.

So, with that information in my mental hand, I proceeded to rip myself to shreds....And trust me, I am an expert at self-destructive shredding! By the time that I was finished with myself, whatever ego/self-confidence/self-worth/sense of purpose I had had was a crying, whimpering, fetal position, ball of nothingness.

 Then came the 'what now' or 'what's next' phase of the process......so if I hold my findings to be the honest truth, where does that leave me? What does that mean? What does that say about me? How can I expect to do or be better if I never saw my meanness from the beginning? You will shut down. You will quit. You will not move forward. You will not continue down the path that you were taking. You will not pursue any path till you can find one that will ensure that you will not display or feel any meanness again.

Okay, so how do I do that? How do I shut down, without causing any notice? How do I quit without having to admit to quitting? How do I stay put without anyone noticing that I am not moving forward, pursing my path? How do I ensure that a path will not have any chance of my displaying meanness?

UGH! How am I suppose to figure this out???? I need a break.....I am sick, literally. I am tired, literally (only getting a couple hours of sleep in the last 48). The noise in my brain is deafening. My only option to get my brain to quite down is to play a game. I have about 3 or 4 that rotate through when I need my brain to quite down to a dull roar.

So Game Time It Is........

Wait......wait.....what was that........hold on a sec.......to steal a few lines from a song ...... it's so hard to believe.....there were nights so cold.....days when tears turned to dust......I finished crying in an instant.....it's all coming back.....there were moments....there were flashes.....it was lost long ago.....if you need me like that.....things I would never do again.....always seemed so right.....it was dead long ago.....I can barely recall....but it's all coming back....hours that went on for days.....when you see me like this .... I see you like that.....we see what we want.....all coming back.....we forgive and forget.....we see just what we want to see....and if we....

Now my brain can put the pieces together and I can see the bigger picture! Now, I know! I am not bad! I am not mean. I am not hateful. I am not some delusional joke.

I am me! I am a good person! I have a big heart! I am nice! At least until someone messes with someone that I care about or pushes me to the end of my rope. I care! Not just about myself, but about others too. I try! I try everyday!



Credit given; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEO4G-rG1wE

Thrills For Thinkers

James Rollins is the action/adventure writer for 3 digit IQs! If you want an heroic escape that also requires fast-thinking and in-depth understanding of "who knows what high-tech/super-smart invention mixed with ancient knowledge or esoteric understanding" disaster this time; then Rollins is your man. He creates a unique blend of the military brawn with an M.I.T. intellect and that makes for one page-turning thriller ride! 

The Eye of God, pits the Sigma Force members against the cosmos, time, and the bad guys! If you want to keep up the pace have your physics mind-set turned on and your memory banks loaded with your CE history knowledge! You will need both. Rollins does a great job of beginning in 3 totally disconnected and unrelated points not just on the globe but relative speaking of import as well. The future and past slam head long into saving the girl and saving the world, but in the end, is there really any difference in the two...

I'll Go...

Hi, I am Cassi, and I am an over-thinker! Yes, that's me. I always have been, more so as I have gotten older. I guess it comes from my overly curious nature. I ALWAYS want to know EVERYTHING about something! And if something happens in my world/life, then I want to know all of the why did that happen! 

I admit that I am not so much a 'What If'er' but after the fact I will replay and dissect and analyze and ponder and wonder every part of every conversation or action or whatever that happened. I am constantly thinking. I have had people ask me, how do you have time to think all the things that you come up with? Easy, my brain is always pursuing multiple lines of thoughts. I have a very hard time shutting my brain off. 

I jokingly 'confess' to people that I have a chaotically random brain. Most people do not like to have conversations with me and I get that. I mean seriously, how many people want to maybe do the 'polite' 'social' small talk of weather knowing that it is liable to end up in a plethora of questioning genome dispersal in disassociation to dogma 'out of Africa' migration movement. And yes, my brain can easily make the connections from 'nice weather we're having today' to genome dispersal.  

Thus, I make every effort to keep my mouth tightly guarded. Over the years I have been fortunate enough to meet a couple people that seemed to be intrigued by my mental aerobatics, and I have been very thankful for those couple of people, even when life diverged our paths. Even more so, due to the fact that if even intrigued, I am sure that I am still VERY much a challenge to deal with. 

My solution is to try not to interact too much with people, cause the desire to have these conversations is overwhelming at times. The flip-side is that I am SO happy when I am blessed with someone that actually wants to engage me in conversation, that I can become like a broken damn. 

As if all that isn't enough to make me 'weird' enough, I have never been good with the social/relationship games; and, that can lead to all kinds of issues. If I am comfortable with you and like you then I have the awful tendency to say just what comes to my mind without always thinking it through first. Ironically, to be such an over-thinker, I am a very spontaneously, impulsively, emotional Girl! And that is a challenging combination. 

Add to that that I am a really good friend. A loyal, to the point of stupidity, friend. An ALWAYS there for you no matter what, where, or when friend. An "I don't just have your back, but I will jump in front if someone messes with you" friend. And, honestly, you do not even have to be a good or close friend for that ...... they get that tenfold ..... and a best friend...... well, that is tenfold of that. 

So where am I headed with all this rambling...... in today's world I have ALL the wrong qualities and none of the right ones. I am not rich or beautiful. I don't wear designer clothes or have lots of things. I don't even wear make-up or style my hair (other than a ponytail or braid). I am the proverbial fish out of water. 

I admit that I see the world entirely from a different point of view than most people do. The things that matter to me, do not matter to most people and vise versa. And overall, I am okay with that, in fact I am kinda proud of that fact. That being said I know that no one around me is proud of that fact about me. Matter of fact, they all seem to almost despise that fact about me. But, I digress. 

As I stated previously, I have prided myself, not on being the richest or the prettiest or the most successful or the most/best whatever'est, but on being a good person and with that a good friend. That might, okay, it usually means that I am the 'different' friend, the one that reacts differently or sees things that no one else sees. Cause, if I have made the effort to call you friend, you matter to me; your health matters to me; your joy matters to me; your dreams matter to me; in short, your everything matters to me. 

What does that mean? It means that more than likely, I am your biggest fan, your most active supporter, your most ardent defender, your most gung-ho protector. Not that you may need me to be any of those things, nor that I think you need me to be any of those things; but, because in my mind and heart that is what you do for a friend.

Yes, I get that most people do not do a lot of those things or think that way about their friends; nor do they expect any of the above from their friends either. And it should be stated that I do not expect it from those that call me friend. However, that knowledge will not stop me from being who I am when I consider you friend. I, honestly, think that fact loses me friends. But that's life. It certainly, upsets friends when I do display any of those qualities, unless the friend has actually asked for the quality to be used/displayed/given, then, it is usually much better received. 

All things considered, I try to take the good with the bad; not just in others but in myself as well. Like, in this post, I wondered off topic somehow and never got back around to the point that I wanted to make......so I will have to find that point again and the thoughts going with that point for next time. 

How Can I Know?

It is ironic how life sometimes chooses to teach us lessons. You are going along with your day to day challenges, trying to be better today than you were yesterday. You finally think that you might be figuring things out. You finally think you have a direction and purpose in life. That you might just have a place in this crazy messed up chaotic world we exist in. And if you are the insanely hopeful you might even had the totally ridiculous idea that your purpose might make a difference, not a whole new world kinda of difference, but maybe just a little tiny ripple in the great big huge pond of life. 

And when you feel like you are standing on the ground, even if you know it is only sand and not bedrock, but you are at least standing on the sand and not sinking in it, at least not above your toes....yes, ever the optimist and yes, it is a curse not a blessing; life looks down and sees your beginnings of peace and BAM! She has other ideas for you. How dare you think that you are enough for making a difference, making a change, feeling a level of success and having hope! You are not worthy, have you not paid attention to the things that you do, to how you treat others, to the way you move through the world. 

Girl, you've got EVERYTHING to learn before you can go thinking that you have any right to do anything that might make a difference in the world. Life laughs at you and muses, 'what's that saying about cleaning up your own house before you go trying to tell others how to'..... To say you are messed up, well that would mean that you have made some progress; and let me tell you missy, you have not! You have been deluding yourself, thinking that you are good and nice and helpful! 

You say 'Please.' and 'Thank you.' ...... Big F*ing Deal, those are just words! Don't you know words come in two forms empty and worthless and sincere and truthful! So you have manners, that doesn't mean that you are nice or sincere or good, it ONLY means that you have manners. 

You have a high IQ..... Big F*ing Deal! That doesn't mean that you know a damn thing! What good is having a foundation if you NEVER build a house?!?! So you have potential, but what have you ever REALLY done with it? 

You think you are good and nice.......REALLY!?!?!?! Do tell, I am all ears!!! How many homeless have you helped feed this month? None, oh okay. Well, how many animals have to saved this year? None, again???? Well, I am sure that if we keep going that we can find something, somewhere.......I know, how many books have you read to children this week? None, really? I thought you liked books and reading; you do? Just not sharing them, I see. So your Facebook posts are for others and not yourself, nice! Got that #hashtag activism down I see! How many articles of clothing have you donated this year to the poor? None, again.....but, don't you have a stack of them in your closet to go, but what you cannot be bothered to make a special trip out of your way for such a thing! Okay, let's go easy for you.....how much money have your donated to charity this past month? $1 ........ WOW! ONE WHOLE dollar! You must have really gone out of your way for that one! I don't guess that I have to point out the obvious, considering that you have such a high IQ, do I????

No, trust me, letting the person I respect most in the world, make the observation about how I really am......... well, let's just say that it certainly got the point across better than a sucker punch! 

Yes, life certainly has a way! I, honestly, would have never on my own taken a long hard look at how I interact with others and how that interaction comes off. And seeing it now, well, it has knocked all the wind out of my sails and it has left me dazed and confused to say the least.....but, most of all, I am overwhelmed with shame and guilt that I have believed that I was someone good and honest and sincere, when it was the exact opposite that was true! 

Now, the reality or truth.....I have spent pretty much my whole adult life trying to be a better person today than I was yesterday, trying to help others, trying to do good and right, trying to speak up for those that did not have a voice or the courage to use it, trying to support and encourage those around me, those that I love and care about to be happy and be good and follow their dreams and make the world a better place.....for what? To keep pretending that I was good or nice? To hide that I am not? 

What is reality or truth? I was told in a PJ Orientation Course that I was right, when I stated that the truth was what one believed. Yet, here I was believing that I was a good person, to find out that I have absolutely NO IDEA, what I am! If I have been so very wrong about my views and my self-awareness for so long, then how can I know what is truth and what is just wishful thinking????

I wonder.....

Are you still glad I let you in?
Do you still wonder what I think?
Do you still care what I feel?
Is it still important what's important to me?

Should I take a scenic route?
Should I take the long way?
Should I become silent?
Should I only whisper to myself?

Are you still glad I trust you?
Do you still want my confiding?
Do you still want to know my dreams?
Is it still important where I want to be?

Would you seek me out?
Would you look for me?
Would you call my name?
Would you notice the change?

Are you still glad I want you?
Do you still hear my voice?
Do you still feel my glance?
Is it still important that you are important?

Could we meet someday?
Could we meet someplace?
Could we spend some time?
Could we share some space?